Thoughts Gallery November 2003
November 1
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This is a velvet painting of what appears to be Jesus Christ and an eighteen wheeler. The item description inexplicably read "BLACK VELVET PAINTING GOD BLESS OUR TRUCKERS".
November 2
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What's more chilling? What you FIRST thought was happening in this picture, or what REALLY IS happening is this picture?
November 3
Image of the Day
Part two of an alarming trend of dead frog abuse.

Here's where I make a hilarious pun involving the word "croak".

Seller quote - "Looks like he is about to get a hole in one."

 

November 4
Image of the Day
Be the first on your block to own a coin purse made out of most of a frog.

Rest assured, you'll never be asked for spare change again.

November 5
Image of the Day
This is a marble sculpture of one of the most precious moments our planet has to offer. When a young monkey, after being incubated by his mother for several months, finally breaks free of his protective...

Hey wait a second! What the hell's going on here?

Seller quote - "Can you believe it? It's true!"

November 6
Image of the Day
Here's a nice sculpture of what appears to be the decaying corpse of a UPS driver. It's made out of an apple apparently. Note the tag in the magnified version, desperately trying to justify this as an art form.
November 7
Image of the Day
Hmm... Bald eagle sculpture... Cattle skull sculpture... Bald eagle sculpture... Cattle skull sculpture. Can't decide? Now you can have the best of both worlds!

(Seller -- "It looks so realistic, you have to touch it and your still not sure.") *shiver*

November 8
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Yes folks, please bid on my slightly used gym shorts and jock strap. GO SPARTANS!

Perfect for the collegiate or incurable pervert in your life.

November 9
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So what exactly are we looking at here? A purse with some yams it?

Folks, what you are seeing is a handbag fashioned from an actual bull scrotum, or so the seller assures us.

When you just can't decide on which accessories go with that new dress, whip out the scrote and rest assured your fashion worries are over.

 

November 10
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"I'm not to blame, for I have no shame."

Magnify for important textual details.

November 11
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That's strange... little Timmy hasn't gone into his bedroom for three weeks now!
November 12
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Half-poodle, half-duck, this is a lovingly handcrafted Pooduck that your children will enjoy for minutes.

I had to make that up. I can't even remember what this was actually supposed to be.

November 13
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That's so typical of kids. You buy them a nice teddy bear with a detached retina, and they never play with it!
November 14
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We switched Noah over to a soi formula from the regular milk formula.  It seems his body is still adjusting to running and producing regular bowel movements.  He doesn't like his daily anal injections to keep him unconstapated, so we are seeing what else we can change.  He is still getting frequent hiccups throughout the day, the doctor says he should grow out of it in a month or so.
November 15
Image of the Day
Ooh, the big bad Emperor sent a Sith Lord after me. Ooh, I'm so scared. Ooh, I want my mommy. Ooh, I hope he doesn't attack me with his double-ended lipstick.
November 16
Image of the Day
Among the features of this item that the seller decided to highlight...

* Donkey
* Spring Nodder
* Big Butt
* Teeth
* Hat
* 2 3/4" Butt Width

Don't miss the magnified view!

November 17
Image of the Day
Is your child not getting a good thorough beating every day at the hands of his or her schoolmates? Why not try this vintage Wienermobile Pedal Car? Let's see how it works...

Boy #1 - "Hey, here comes wiener boy!"

Boy #2- "Hey wiener boy! Do you like WIENERS?"

Your son - "But I..." *gets punched*

Boys 1 and 2 - *laughter* (then chanting) "Wiener boy likes wieners! Wiener boy likes wieners!"

November 18
Image of the Day

Nothing like getting a few hours notice, to compile a bunch of legal graphs and documentation to through off your evening. Noah seems to be adjusting better to sleeping in the evenings, although it seems to take him longer to relax and fall asleep late at night.

Greetings. I would be charmed to play a song for you on my cymbals... in exchange for your IMMORTAL SOUL.

November 19
Image of the Day

Spent the wee hours of the morning listing to Noah trying to go to the bathroom and adjust himself in his bed.  Seems that the soi milk doesn't quite get rid of those long pushing sessions or the constrapation.

Put in peanuts, turn the cranial crank, and peanut buttery sludge oozes from the side of his head. Mmm, who else is hungry?

November 20
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This went for almost seven bucks, despite the fact that you can ACTUALLY SEE IT ATTACKING A SMALL INNOCENT CHILD.

Further carnage available in magnified view.

November 21
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Please, PLEASE tell me that's just a typo on the tag, a crap throwing monkey?
November 22
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The most amazing thing I learned from this auction is YOU CAN BUY PORK CHOPS IN A CAN.

So, why would I want 200 pork chops? Well, as the seller points out -- "With all the uncertainty of life today, it never hurts to be prepared." Indeed. Wait, prepared for what? Is there going to be some sort of applesauce uprising that we're going to be called on to quell?

What's more, this is a Dutch auction with a quantity of 10 available, for a whopping grand total of 2,000 CANNED PORK CHOPS. Now that's what I call being prepared for ANY eventuality!

And remember, folks -- THIS PRODUCT IS GAS PACKED.

November 23
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Something has gone terribly, terribly wrong here.
November 24
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Thank goodness for that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. I think the included .30 caliber machine gun really sweetens the deal.
November 25
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This is truly one of the most wonderfully awful Disturbing Auctions of all time.

It is a snuff mull (don't ask me, I don't know either) made out of an actual ram's head. It is encrusted with silver and citrines. It is one of the most horrible things I've ever seen in my life.

And, as if it wasn't amazing enough -- YES -- it's ON WHEELS... which gives me the thought, which I should probably ignore, that it would be fun to hook it up to a radio control car engine and take it for a spin around the neighborhood.

Click on the magnifying glass for a side view, and please note the final bid above.

November 26
Image of the Day
Well, isn't that just precious. A dried-out, long-dead alligator, all dressed up like the belle of the ball.

She's all set to offer her hand in marriage to a dashing suitor. That is, if she had hands, and not just stumps.

I hope there's an afterlife, so that this alligator can have a long discussion with whoever did this to her mortal remains.

Alternate view available.

November 27
Image of the Day
You see, he's had too much to drink, and so his vision has gone a bit funny.

Click on the magnifying glass for a close-up, to see the truly disturbing nature of this item. Don't say I didn't warn you.

November 28
Image of the Day
Allegedly a seven inch tall "pelican" made of conch shells.

"GET YOUR STINKY TODAY" demands the seller.

November 29
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Sometimes there are preferable options to listing something on eBay. Like burial. Or smashing with a big hammer.
November 30
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The description of this item was "Budda Monkey LUAU Girl with HULA SKIRT crazy"

Is it a girl? A monkey? A coconut? YES! It's ALL THREE!

Seller quote - "Only the most confident of women can wear RED lipstick that well."